Follow your dreams❤

What are you going to blog about today? Since about 6pm, I have poked at topics. Even now I have nothing specific to grasp anyone’s interest. My goal is to prove that I am intellectual, intelligent, inspiring, and potentially a good writer.

As a child, when asked what I want to be when I grew up, I would always say a journalist. I happened to possess very good handwriting skills. Being a journalist meant writing for me, and apparently this is something I love(d). I was always better with english than other subjects, which made a career in journalism more attractive. I thought about other careers and at a young age, The schooling for doctor’s seemed extreme. 

I wrote many poems, and I always kept a diary. I’m literally an open book, if you want to find out something about me, it’s probaly in writing. I wrote songs and poems with my friends often. I also loved reading, I loved books and information. Somehow, somewhere I fell off track.

As I grew older life happened of course, and, well I’m 27 now with no career. I have a job as a caregiver earning slightly over minimum wage. It pays my bills, but I’ve always wanted to actually have a prestigous career. I’ve attended several community colleges, racked up student loan debt, and I have never completed anything beyond my high school diploma. It’s nearly time for the ten year high school reunion.

So, the golden rule is that in order to solve a problem is to admit/realize you have a problem. I have a problem. I lack motivation and drive. I am inconsistent and indecisive. I can be frivolous and impulsive. Despite, these problems though I still aspire to be successful.

Suddley, writing remained a part of me in diaries, journals, data entries, signatures, letters, and emails. I always loved letters, words, sentences, and the way they come together. I love the way words operate.

Over the years, I’ve come over the idea that writers don’t make much money. If they do, the ones like me never will. I’m just not that interesting, not that educated, not that successful. I have tried many career paths, but none to my interest and near age 30 I have started to contemplate about becoming an author, publisher, freelance writer, or any writer. 

I love writing. I think that I would actually stick to a writing career. Maybe all along my career was right in front of me. Maybe it is not too late to grasp it. Is there some huge secret to becoming a successful recognized writer?  Will I make top dollar? Probaly not, but maybe this is that passion that holds: you never work a day at a job you love. Follow your dreams, they tend to follow you😉.

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Faith

2017 is already filled with uncertainty; I am living with someone who hates me. I brought this year in with high hopes and prayer, so my faith remains strong regardless of any outcomes. I’ve been called heartless, and I may seem cold. The truth though, holds that I am numb, I can’t feel and I really can’t produce tears.

My only certainty in life is that God loves me regardless of my sinful nature. I bow my head and I pray for forgiveness, so that I may have a chance at joy and redemption. Daily I rebuke satan from my life, I beg the Lord to keep the devil away from my family.

Although I come across doubtful thoughts, my faith is strong. What I pray for I believe in so I thank the Lord in advance.2017 you almost disappointed me early, but I know the best is yet to come. Whatever God has in store for me I gracefully accept. Though I am flawed, I know there is hope for me.

Marcus, The last thing I want is for you to hate me or to think that I am heartless. I beg to differ, but unfortunately I am not willing to explain. I have no fight left as far as proving myself to you. I pray this works out, but I pray for you personally. I pray for your family, I pray for your heart. I pray for your health.

God is my Savior, I trust him to save me. God is my healer and deliverer, I trust him to heal and deliver me.

Yes, Lord! 

Bless this world, Bless my family, Heal us Lord we need you NOW! In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

A prayer.

I don’t know what this is that I’m feeling, I hope that its growth, but my stress levels must be to the ceiling. I’m trying to make progress, but my situation is just too delicate. Joy is trying it’s best to leak through my pours, but I bleed from unhealed sores. I’m so numb that I smile, but I can’t cry tears of joy nor pain. I’m stuck in the middle of achievement and destruction; I’m desperate for change, but my past is still haunting me, Oh Lord, I just want to be free. I want to be kind, patient, smart, educated, and beautiful, on the inside I feel cruel, impatient, dumb, uneducated, and ugly. What a project I must be… When I look in the mirror, I fear the woman I am becoming, although I know that if I look deep inside of me I will find SOMEBODY. My jaws are tight, eyes low; Release! Open! Relax. Relax! Relax! I can’t help but to think the end is near, and I am living in fear. I trust You, God! I trust you though, they said a mustard seed, Lord faith the size of a mustard seed will do. Deep down inside it’s there, I believe! I know you will never leave me! I’ll keep walking, I’ll keep talking, I’ll keep trying, because if there is a will there is a way! Bless my family, friends, my man, and this world, This in Jesus’ name I pray.

 

Amen.