A prayer.

I don’t know what this is that I’m feeling, I hope that its growth, but my stress levels must be to the ceiling. I’m trying to make progress, but my situation is just too delicate. Joy is trying it’s best to leak through my pours, but I bleed from unhealed sores. I’m so numb that I smile, but I can’t cry tears of joy nor pain. I’m stuck in the middle of achievement and destruction; I’m desperate for change, but my past is still haunting me, Oh Lord, I just want to be free. I want to be kind, patient, smart, educated, and beautiful, on the inside I feel cruel, impatient, dumb, uneducated, and ugly. What a project I must be… When I look in the mirror, I fear the woman I am becoming, although I know that if I look deep inside of me I will find SOMEBODY. My jaws are tight, eyes low; Release! Open! Relax. Relax! Relax! I can’t help but to think the end is near, and I am living in fear. I trust You, God! I trust you though, they said a mustard seed, Lord faith the size of a mustard seed will do. Deep down inside it’s there, I believe! I know you will never leave me! I’ll keep walking, I’ll keep talking, I’ll keep trying, because if there is a will there is a way! Bless my family, friends, my man, and this world, This in Jesus’ name I pray.

 

Amen.

 

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