A reason to live

Maybe this is the end. Maybe this is the end of the beginning. If I take these pills, I’ll go to sleep forever. If I cancel myself maybe things will be better. No wait! I have to be considerate, there are people out there who love me. I base my depression on the fact that I wronged you and you hate me. What about the people I could do no wrong to. I need to overcome this, I plead to resolve this. I can’t take the first step, I don’t know what the first step is. I’m disgusted with myself and the life, I’ve made a mess of. Though I shame excuses my favorite words are but and because. If I could just get it right I’d be the best that I be but evilness insist I be my own worse enemy. I have no energy, I posess no enthusiasm. My days cluster together, like hives, my credentials are non existent, I have no pride. I could say I’ve hit rock bottom but the truth is I’ve always been here, Things could get worse I have no optimism. I can and will be better than this, I just hope its before my head spins; excorsist. I know I can get through this, I know this is not the end. I considered suicide but now I embrace life as my friend; as long as I have it I have oppurtunity within,  The blueprint, the foundation,  its all there I just have to dive in. At the end I will be legendary, My heart won’t be discretionary.

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