I don’t want to fight. I want to make things right, but nobody wants to see me happy. They love the sad face, and my hair all nappy. They love the fact my car is fucked up, they love the fact that my job was almost tossed up. I just want to succeed but, its so hard for me. I don’t come off abrubt, but I can’t keep it real, they try to blame it on the way I feel. I’m depressed yes, but crazy I’m not. People really do pick with me, my life is a mess. I don’t want to fight, I don’t want anyone to get hurt. But how do I defend myself, how can I smile. How can I lie and say there’s nothing wrong, with all this bull shit going on. I’m never right, I always pick the battle, I turn it into war. But it was over when my heart hit the floor. Why can’t people see, I’m just not where I want to be. I don’t try to delegate the blame, all I try to do is get rid of the pain. Its misunderstood that im a maniac, but I am not crazy and I do have a heart. I just left it where it was at, and didn’t want to come back. Because I don’t want to argue, I don’t want war. I just want to serve the purpose I came here for. I just want true, Geniune happiness, is that too much to ask for. I try to just stop talking but muthafuckas keep talking. Do I deserve this ongoing rage, or is it really time to turn the page? I took my boxing gloves off, the match is over, you win. Things start happening but I cant remember when, I can lose I don’t want to win. I give up, tapped out long ago, I just let it go. But that’s not enough, you want me to fight you. You love the rage, you love the pain, you love being mad and I can’t handle that. My mind is so delicate, I can’t take too much rain. I may drown, I want to smile but all I can produce is a frown. I’m desparate for guidance, I’m begging for freedom, im looking to rid the hurting, trying to force happiness. Im sorry that I make you feel like I don’t love you, but baby if you only knew; that may be our issue. I don’t like to hurt you physically or emotionally, but something in me just won’t agree, maybe it is me.
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